Speaking to the wall.

1 Corinthians 2:14 (New International Version)
14The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned.


Have you ever tried to talk with someone and they just don't get you? There have been times that I know I have talked with people and I think all they hear is the peanuts teacher...whaaaa.wwaaa...whaaa...wahhh. It is so hard as a believer to talk to some unbelievers. I feel as though I am talking to a wall....even though I know seeds get planted. Lately, I have had trouble in this area and I have had to once again turn it over to God to take care of them. Some people just will not understand me, maybe they might understand someone else. I just need to remember God is ultimately in charge and they are going to hear what they are meant to hear at that specific time. It is all on God's timing not mine, it is so hard being patient some times. It is true when someone doesn't have the spirit of God in them we are like a clanging cymbal. I pray that one day that clanging will stop and pure music will come upon them to open their ears to hear the spirit of the Lord.

I too remember before I was walking with the spirit how christians sounded to me...like they were out of their minds. So, I need to remember just where I came from and how stubborn I once was to accepting words of others. Patience is a virtue.

Life Coaching Journey

Some of you know, but not all of you that I am about to embark on a new journey. I am going to be going through a program called Mindset for Success. It is a journey that I am so pumped up for and totally excited about. I have been through The Road Adventure, Celebrate Recovery and Tres Dias and I know now God has been preparing me this whole time for this journey right here...right now.

He keeps confirming to me every day that this is the path I am supposed to be on. I love when God does that!! Over my life I can see how God's hand has been there to orchrastrate each step I have taken and it blows my mind. I just can't express to you how much God has been showing me the last couple of months how I need to do this, that he again is going to be pruning and shaping me and I welcome it with open arms.

I have this desire in my heart to help people, to show that God can take something that was meant for evil and make it good, to encourage those around me to a closer walk with God and to become more self aware. I have this deep seeded need to reach out and make a difference in people's lives. To show people they too can walk in freedom.

So, this is where the life coaching program comes into play with me. In order to be a good life coach...I first need to continue to work on myself so that one day I can be the best Life Coach I can possibly be for others. I begin my journey this month and look so forward to the work it is going to take, the changes that need to be made in my life and the joy and freedom I will again experience as God pulls another layer back off my life. I love the process of pruning....I know some of it will be painful, but I also know that if I work hard it will all be worth it in the end.

At first when I told Brian that I really wanted to do this, he was like not something else that is going to take your time and energy, but over the last couple of weeks he has come to realize that this is what I am supposed to be doing, that this is my calling. I love him for being open to what God is telling him and how supportive he is in this process. He did say he wants me to give it my 100% and that is just what I am going to do.

Of course there are going to be some sacrafices in this whole process. I am going to have to give up some of the areas I am serving in so that I can devote the time and energy to do this well. I know that will disappoint some, but I also know that God will work that all out too.

So, off to my new journey and I will keep you posted as to what God is revealing to me during this process. Pray for balance, that I will be subjective about myself and that God will shape me into the person He wants me to be.

Chhhhaaa...changes.

This month is going to be full of changes. I love change actually...but the rest of my family hates change, so I pray that it all goes smoothly. On Friday this week, we pack up and move Heather to Lubbock to go to Texas Tech for graduate school. She is going for Family and Marriage Counseling. I am so proud of her I can not express it in words. She is such a bright, studious and lovely woman!! As a mother I just look at her and she inspires me. Heather has never liked change very well, she has never been this far from home. She is excited and I am excited for her, but I am also sad that I won't hear her giggle around the house anymore. She has one of those giggles that comes from her toes up...it is one of my favorite sounds. She is going to be living in her own apartment and of course the mom in me is a little scared about all the things that can go wrong, but I also know God is Large and IN CHARGE. So I am just going to give that over to HIM. Mel is so going to miss her big sister too. They have a very strong bond and I can honestly say my kids just genuine love each other and love being around each other.

Now, next week our son Chris moves back in with us...so he is moving into Heather's old room. This should be so much fun. He is moving back in to pay off school loans and finish his externship at a dental office for he is now a dental assistant. I am so proud of him as well....Chris has dyslexia and ADD so, school has never been his strong suit, but he is doing amazingly well. Of course he doesn't do change either so there will be adjustments after he has lived on his own so long to come back home. But he did call me last week and said he is ready for it. He even said he would love to go to church with us and this set my heart ablaze!! I am so excited!!! So, Mel will not be alone she will have her big brother here.

I have to say I love God so much for all He has done for me and my family. You see my Heather and Chris moved out before Brian and I got healthy through Celebrate Recovery, The Road and Tres Dias. So, they only remember us being not so great parents, but now God has been orchrestrating them coming back home to see how a healthy, loving and caring home can be. I am so grateful for the second chance to show my kids how God has changed me and can change them. I love it!!! It overwhelms me, to think of God's grace He poured out on our family. Thank you God!!!

Mel had such a wonderful experience at Youth Camp last week, that the changes in her are totally incredible. She wants to go to church, she wants to go to youth and she loves God so very much. She even expressed to Heather how God's grace works...now this is a miracle to us. Sunday she sat with all the youth and Brian and I watched as she worshipped our Lord with hands raised and heart abandoned...it totally made our day. We both cried. We have even noticed there is a lot less anger in her and she is smiling and laughing all the time. I love it so much!!! God is so faithful!!! Honestly, her going to youth camp and having a great time is a prayer that God answered for us and we will grateful forever for it.

This month we start our Tres Dias meetings for the next Tres Dias in October...it is a ton of work, but so well worth it when we see the lives changed at the end of it. I love being part of this ministry and being able to be God's vessel for the women that go through that weekend experience. There are a lot of trips to Houston during the next 2 months so I pray for safety and for unity in the team and their families. Of course Satan would love nothing better than to cause division in both of these areas. I have a couple of friends going through this next Tres Dias and I am so excited for them to see the power and love of God for each of them!!!

I have started on the Community Group Leadership Team and TCAL and it is exciting to see the direction it will be going. I love community groups, I am passionate about them...I think every single person needs to be in one, lead one or host one. I have made friendships that will last my lifetime because of community groups. I can't imagine my life without those people in it. So, if you attend TCAL join a community group. If you feel led to lead a group....Do it scared...you don't have to be a bible scholar...just be open for God to use you. If you wish to host...do it...we have such a hard time finding host homes. Sign up to be part of the rescue to others by being available for community groups.

There of course are other changes coming up, but I will post that later since this is now a novel. LOL.

Dreams.

Do you have dreams? Do you wish you could do something and it feels so out of touch? I have tons of dreams. I wanted to share a bunch of dreams I have with you today. Mostly this exercise is for me to really see what it is exactly I dream about. Some of them may seem small, silly or totally outrageous but hey, they are my dreams. What else do you expect? If money or time was no obstacle these are some of the things I would love to accomplish.

Dreams
To see all my children come to Christ.
To go on a mission trip to Africa or India.
To be on the Women of Faith speaking team. (told ya a big one)
Become a Life Coach.
To run a marathon.
To write a book titled "Darn, I am not going to win the Mother of the Year Award"
Go scuba diving in the Great Barrier Reef.
Go to Israel....sp?
Sew a quilt.
Skydive.
Memorize at lease 100 verses of the bible.
Learn a foreign language.
Break a Guiness World Record for something funny.
Read 100 books in a years time.
See an angel.
Have a huge impact on someone's life.
Drag race a car.


Now, these are just some of them...when more come to me I am going to post them.

What are your dreams?

Picture of new hair.

I forgot to post a picture of my new hair....like duh.

New Pink Hair

Today, I went to get my hair colored pink for my support of my sweet friend Kelley who is going to be without hair tomorrow from Chemotherapy. I want her to know that I know how important her hair is to her and that I would go pink in order to show her my support. I wanted to go bald...but Brian veto'd that idea. :-( I actually love my new pink hair...brian said today he feels like he is married to a punk rocker. Melissa just said "man that is kick A mom" I am assuming that means she likes it. Chris said "wow mom you look cool". My sister said "you are so crazy, but I love it". Kelley said "it totally rocks!!!" So, I guess it is a hit....I may keep it awhile...I kinda like looking cool. Thanks Rhonda for doing my hair for my birthday present....it was a great birthday present!!!

Tomorrow I leave for International Tres Dias....I wonder what all my friends will say? They will love it!!!

Now, go check your Ta..Tas for Kelley!!!

Bye Bye Motorcyle...Hello Boat!!!

My hubby sold his motorcycle and bought a boat with his money. Today we took it on the water for the first time and we had a blast!!! We live so close to a lake that we have always wanted a boat and now we have one. Of course it is an older boat, but we don't care it runs and we were able to pull the Heather and Melissa on the tube.

The boat started to overheat so we had to pull it in, but Brian is sure he can figure out what is wrong. It was cheap enough if it only lasts us a couple of years we will be totally happy. I spent yesterday reupholstering the seats...I must say I didn't do to bad for my first try.

You should have seen how funny it was to watch me back up the trailer to the boat launch....it was hilarious. I obviously need to get the hang of that for sure. My family got a good laugh out of it..so I was glad to entertain them for awhile. Here are some pictures of our day.









I can't wait to go fishing!!! I love to fish, but I have never caught a fish. There is something about just being on the water in nature I just love. I am so excited about just being on the boat!! We are home now and totally exhausted, the sun sure takes it out of you. What a great weekend so far!!!

Wednesday Musings.

I just realized it has been awhile since my last blog. Where does the time go? This week is such a busy week, end of year stuff, graduation cake, and Community Group Summer Party. I need to pray that my time is expanded this week. Yikes.

I have been traing for the 3 day walk and it has been great. I am up to 7.5 miles and that is exciting. I can't wait for the actual event!! My donations are inching up there and I am blessed beyond measure.

School gets out this week and I better find stuff for Melissa to do or I will have to hear "I'm bored" every single minute of the day...LOL. I so remember being a teenager and saying that to my mom. My mom said I would hear those words and yes, she was right. So, I better get on the stick and figure out what to do with this 15 yo. She is going to do drivers ed, so that will take up a little time..tee hee. I think Mel is getting to the age where hanging out with mom just isn't that cool. I hate this part of teenage years.

Hey, on a great note...we tried one of those topsy turvy planters for tomatos and we have a tomato...it is still green, but hey it is working. You should see how Brian babies that plant it is so cute. God love him. We also have one for cucumbers and it has flowered but no cucumbers yet..LOL.

No pictures this week...I need to get some new family photos done, we haven't had any in years. I can already hear the moans of my family as I type this. But if I don't get them done before Heather goes to Lubbock in July who knows when the next time we are all together again will be. I wonder what colors we should wear...hmmm.

Get Real Monday.

Today I got to spend the morning with Amy Black and her precious 5 yo daughter Ryland at the hospital. Ryland had her tonsils removed this morning. She was so cute, I arrived just as they gave her the medicine to make her tired, but she told me they gave her a little bear and she named it Sparkles. She look so tiny in that big hospital bed as they wheeled her to surgery. When they took her to have surgery, Amy and I sat in the waiting room just talking and talking. I think I did most of the talking just to keep her mind from not worrying about little Ryland. The time flew by and pretty soon they said she was all done and in recovery. She was able to go up to her room and on the way up they gave her a popsicle...boy...she enjoyed that popsicle I will tell you. She could barely keep her eyes open but she wasn't letting go of that popsicle or her litte bear sparkles. She was such a trooper through the whole thing. Amy was too. ;-) I thought how cute this little girl was and how precious she acted all sedated and what a big girl she was at a mere 5 years old. It brought me back to a time when Heather was 7 and she had surgery on her ears and had to wear a cast around her ears for 6 weeks. How resilent children really are..it amazes me. To watch Amy with her little girl was so touching...they were going home and she had the bed all set up for Ryland to watch all the movies she wanted....they had a date with Mary Poppins. How sweet!! Amy even made her a little set of jingle bells so she didn't have to strain her voice if she needed anything. Now, that is a mothers love I tell ya!!

So pray for little Ryland as she heals from her surgery and pray for Amy as she takes care of her with 2 other children to care for as well.


I was honored to be able to be there for a friend and watching the two of them together blessed me beyond measure.

Saturday Musings

Yesterday, I spent an hour at New Balance shoes trying to find me the perfect shoes for my training for the 3 day walk. I never thought buying good shoes would be so time consuming or costly. Yikes!! It was crazy...because the guy said I had the weirdest feet...go figure. I underpronate so I wear my shoes down on the outside of my heal...but I also have very high arches...which he said is totally weird. Okay...so we all knew I was weird..so now I know my feet are weird too. Great!!! After trying on at least 15 pairs of shoes, 5 different arch supports, and socks that wick...I never knew there was such a thing. I walked out of there with some great shoes. I met a friend this morning to do some more training, I only got in 3 miles...my shins and groin started to hurt, but hey...I got some training in. For someone that is pretty sedentary that is pretty good. Walking up the stairs took a little more effort than usual too...LOL.

Well, after that walk I had all this energy so I came home and shampoo'd the carpet in the living room that so desperately needed it, thanks to the dogs. Did some laundry and had lunch now I am spent. So, now I think I spend the rest of the day working on some creative projects, reading or playing Wow....so many options. What to do?

Oh...and my allergies didn't act up today even though the wind was blowing like crazy. Praise the Lord.

I have also earned more donations this morning!!! Thanks Shannon and Sandy...I appreciate you both!!!

My First Five Miles

I have always wanted to do this 3 day walk, but was too afraid too. It is one of those things I put on my bucket list. I thought I will never be able to walk that far, I will never be able to raise $2300, I will never have the time it takes to devote to training. But I always tell people "do it scared" well that is just what I am doing. I am doing it scared!!!

Today I started my training for the 3-day walk for a cure that is in November. I am excited to report that I walked my first 5 miles and I did it outside, which is huge for me since I have such bad allergies. Now, I did come home and had to take some benedryl....but I did it!!!


Brian laughed at me last night because I walked up the stairs and was out of breath, but I walked 5 miles today and was totally fine. I am excited where God is going to take me on this journey and also excited for the where he is going to take the team Ta-Ta Titans!!

I received my first donation today and that was exciting to see that number up there on my page. Thanks Kim!!!

I know that God is going to be holding my hand through this whole process and yes, there will be days where my shins will hurt, that my allergies will get the best of me, when I will just not feel like walking...but I also know that Gods grace is sufficient for me!!! I am going to do this...for Kelley, for all other women that have to fight this disease, for my two daughters that I hope they find a cure and never have to experience this disease, and for myself to see me reach a goal and scratch this off my bucket list.

You can click donate on my blog and it will take you to my donation page...no donation is too small. Inch by inch is a cinch!! I will get this done one step at a time with God and with the support of family, friends and my other team members!!

Laughter is the best medicine!!!

Our home is full of laughter. There is not a day that goes by that we don't laugh with each other or at each other. I want my kids to remember laughter and fun when they grow up...Heather and Chris are grown up...I keep forgetting that.

Melissa, Heather and her boyfriend went out the other day to alley cats and won some really cool mustaches...they probably cost them $20 a piece to win enough tokens for the stupid things. But we had some fun with them. This is just a typical day at our house. Heather refused to wear them so her boyfriend(Chris) Mel and I did...sorry the picture is blurry..she forgot to put the flash on.

Get Real Monday.

I can't believe the first TCAL women's retreat is over. I don't like things to end, I kind of go through a greiving process. Brian says that is why I sometimes don't finish things I don't want things to end. But this weekend was filled with some of the most amazing women any person can be blessed with. We had so much fun preparing for the event. To see everyone's hard work and dedication to the retreat was just inspiring to say the least. To look across a sea of 115 women and see them praising the Lord is a glimpse of what heaven will be like, I was in awe and of course I cried. I thought of God looking down on that room and Him thinking "this is what I want from all of you to have real relationship with each other and with Me your Lord". (do you put quotation marks before or after the period?) Anyway, I could feel the presence of God so strongly in that room even before the women came in, it was like God was dwelling there. I loved it!! There is nothing like feeling the presence of God....it sometimes overwhelms me.

There was a few things that God really laid on my heart this weekend and some of it was not too good. One of the chains I carry is insecurity, I touched on that in my last post, so I think God had been already working on me with that particular chain leading up to the retreat. But still to actually take it in and write it on a piece of paper made it real.

One of the speakers, Beth as she was speaking I thought she has been reading my journals? She spelled out my life right there as she spelled out hers...it was so freaky. We both have very similar backgrounds, so simiular in fact I thought maybe I had another sister that my parents didn't tell me about. The thing is most of the same chains she listed were my chains some in the past and some I am still dealing with presently. She mentioned that her mom didn't work so she wanted to make sure she didn't have to rely on any man to take care of her. I was like that....I thought and did those same things. I didn't want any man to control me. So for a very long time I was going to control me, I didn't want anyones help, it was me against the world...well I am afraid to tell you I struggled with the chain of pride...and I still have to watch myself or it will rear it's ugly head in my life. I didn't want to admit that for the longest time in my life, I needed others help...in essence I was telling everyone I can do it better than you can. I can't tell you probably how many times I blocked someone by blessing me or being blessed because of my pride. Another thing she said is she didn't like to show emotion, I struggled with that for years. I thought I was not going to let anyone see me cry for that was a sign of weakness. That tough exterior, the thoughts of if I seen people cry I would be like "come on, put you big girl panties on and get with the program. Yes, I used to think those things...that is awful to admit, but it was true. Thank God he has ripped that away from me...now I cry all the time and I know that "in our weakness He is made strong". Now, when women cry I have this heart of mercy and compassion that I swear is from God and I just want to hold them. Praise God he has given me this gift and I see women through His eyes now.

Anyway, it was like God took Beth's talk and said here "Tammy look this is you" I was so floored...I was confused...I was emotional...but I also was grateful that God cares enough about me to show me yet again some more layers he has peeled off or is continuing to peel off of me. Thank you Beth for your transparency and being obedient to what God laid on your heart to share.

The other thing God showed me in a very powerful way is to be PRESENT with the person who is in front of you. I swear I have ADD. I can be talking to someone and sometimes my mind goes to the 10 other things I should be doing. Well, that happened this weekend with a young woman named Michelle. It was the end of the retreat and we were cleaning up and she came up to me to talk to me really to reach out to me and my mind was on how much I needed to get done. I was not present with her...I felt the Holy Spirit say "ask her if she needs to pray or talk" and I was not obedient...all I thought was "tammy you have to go do this and do that". How incredible rude I was to her!!! So, she went on her way. About 10 minutes later I saw her talking with another leader of the retreat and she led that girl to Christ. Can you believe I missed an opportunity because I was so busy? That I didn't stop just to be with that woman...that I was so selfish and self centered? I did not give Michelle the time and attention she deserved!!! That made me sick in my spirit. I cried all the way home, because I knew in my heart I could have possibly damaged her, what if she left and never talked with the other leader? How many more people have I done that too? How many more opportunties have I missed because I was so busy to be present with that person? I was crying not because I wanted to be the one to lead her to Christ...I was crying because I didn't give her the time and attention she deserved, that I didn't listen to the Holy Spirit, that I let her down and let God down. Now, I know God's mission was accomplished she will be in heaven and her name is now written in the lambs book of life and I praise God for that!! It is amazing how God works everything together for good. I know I wasn't the to be the one to lead her to Christ, but He used that as an opportunity for me to learn a very valuable lesson to be present with the one you are with. Don't let the busyness of your mind or life get you off track from the relationships God made us to build. So, if I am in your presence and you see that I am not really paying attention to you or my mind is somewhere else...I beg you to remind me to BE PRESENT.

Get Real Monday.

Warning this is real!!!

Have you ever had one of those days when the Holy Spirit just pop's you up side your head? When something is brought to your attention and it can take you back years to a place where it just hurts? Where one comment from someone can have you pondering about it all night? Is that how people really see me? Is this still a character defect in my life? I thought I was making such progress in this area.

There was a time in my life where I held very high standards of myself and of others, where I had such a critical and judgemental spirit. I hurt many people with this attitude, so many that it hurts just to admit it. I was brought up to follow the rules or else there would be pain...physically, emotionally or verbally involved. So, needless to say I became an avid rule follower....and if someone broke the rule I would be the one that had to point it out. I wanted life to be fair. Being the oldest of 6 (that lived in the same house) I just wanted things to be fair....why...I don't know that is just how I felt. That leads up to my adulthood where I still felt the need to make things fair. I had an attitude of "why do I do all the things right and that person can fall in poop and come out smelling like a rose every time?" So, therein lies the judgemental and critical spirit. In my quest to make things fair a couple of years ago I really hurt someone by telling this person...they weren't following the rules. What right did I have to make things right? What right did i have to stand in judgement of someone else? NONE!!! It was one of the most painful times spiritually in my life for the backlash I recieved changed the course of my life along with my family. But along this 12 month process of this incident, I continued to be on the opposite side of critical people and judgementalism towards myself. There were hateful, hurtful and spiteful words and actions poured out on me....not that some of it I didn't deserve.

But over the course of the last 2 years I really took to heart what happened, what my part was in it and what character defects I needed to have God help me with. It has been a painful and very real transformation. I am actually repulsed by judgemental attitudes in myself or in others...I will be the first to come to someone's defense if someone is judging or being critical. I have tried very hard to shed the defect of "Being Holier Than Thou", I never want people to think I feel more Godly than anyone else. I would hope that my friends would tell me if I come across like this, because I truly do not want to come across that way. I know what a wretch I am, I know I don't deserve anything but death for my sins, I know that I am not perfect so far from it....it scares me.

Believe me I DO NOT have it all together and most times I am a mess. This is why our family found our church home TCAL, because their motto is "No Perfect People Allowed" I am one of those not perfect people. I have issues, I have flaws, I have struggles and a ton of baggage from the past that still sometimes follows me around.

Anyway, as I lay awake last night pondering the comment...I thought to myself "why did I take such offense to that?" And like the Holy Spirit always does he shined a big bright light on what it was. First, it brought me back to a painful time in my life, second, I have tried so hard to kick that habit of being holier than thou, third the real good eye opener is that I want the approval of others. I don't want people to see the negatives in my life, I want them to see the positives. I want people to like me...it scares the crap out of me when I offend someone or someone is mad at me. There it is in black and white....I am insecure.

I am hoping and praying that God will prepare my heart this week before we go on our women's retreat to actually become unchained of this insecurity. That I can truly deal with it and finally break free from this chain that binds me.

Wowser I can't believe I just said that or wrote that, but hey this is Get Real Monday.

Standing in the gap.

That last week I have been standing in the gap for some of my friends in constant prayer. It seems as though things have been falling apart for so many around me. One day this last week, I had three people fall into my arms and cry as I just held them. It broke my heart to see such pain, agony, sadness, fear, bitterness, anger, and a myriad of other emotions that came out of each of these people. Not that any of these emotions were wrong at all, that is just how they felt and it was an honor to hold them and comfort them.

God has given me so much to think and pray about over this last week. I have prayed for physical healing in friends, emotional healing in others, restoration of families or relationships, the salvations of family, car issues, discpline and balance for myself, friends with financial issues and for the TCAL Womens Ministry Retreat. I can honestly say I have been on my knees a ton this week and cried buckets and felt the presence of the Lord very strongly. I love the time I have spent with Him this week in prayer and worship. He has shown me more grace and love with each prayer than I can express to you.

Today, as I sat and listened to some worship music I found some of my favorite songs and loaded it to my blog. Each of these songs remind me of someone I have been praying for this week so I hope you take the time to listen to them. Each of them has special meaning to me and I hope it blesses anyone who listens to them.

Stand in the gap for someone today. The Lord hears the prayers of the righteous!!!

WOW!!!

I know all my readers are going to be shocked or laugh their rears off about what I am going to share. Brian and I love to play World of Warcraft....now it probably isn't the best use of our time, but it is something we do together. It is like date night for us...I know they may sound sad to you, but to us this is a way we bond.

So, a couple of months ago we shared this passion with some friends of ours Kim and Brian now they are hooked as much as we are. The funny thing is our kids get such a kick that we have our friends come over for WOW parties. We have dinner together and and eat snacks as we play. Heather and Melissa are so sweet as to let us borrow their computers so we can all play together in the same room....you should hear some of the conversations that go on in this game room. We all have different characters and go do battle together. We have so much fun!!! There is no shortage of sword fighting, yelling "Kim heal me", "I need some help over here", "Brian Fultz stop just running in without us getting some mana", "Tammy, do you always have to fall in holes or get lost", and of course my Brian yelling "hey, dont mind me over here getting my reared kicked while you are all off doing who knows what".

In other words, we are computer geeks to the max. Heather and Melissa came home the other day and found us in our office all playing together so they snapped a picture so I thought I would share it with you all. Get a good laugh.

Get Real

So, I got up this morning to prepare for a CT scan on my abdomen at 6:15am. I drank that nasty tasting barium at 6:15, 7:15 and 7:45. Drive to the diagnostic health place to get this done...get undressed...go into the CT scan room and the technician asks me...I see you have bad allergies....I say yes...I carry an epipen....he says did you take the steroid preparation medications....I say "no, nobody told me about that"....he says..."well since you had a reaction to dye in the past you will need to be on steroids before I can inject you with dye." I told him "you have got to be kidding me"...he says "we will have to reschedule you after you call your doctor to call you in a prescription of steroids." I was so frustrated....I mean come on...could you have not told me that when I came in on Friday to pick up the contrast to drink? I am so irritated with doctors right now. Why can't it be easy for me to get procedures done? After drinking that nasty tasting stuff feeling nauseated all morning I have to start all over....geez!!! I have a call into my GI doctor now...hopefully he will just go ahead with the colonoscopy and get it over with. If not I think I will just live with the pain and suck it up.

Strength Finders Test

Of course you all know we have been studying strengths and weaknesses in womens group. I took a strengthfinders test in September of last year and I thought I would post the results like my friend Kim did so just maybe you can know me just a little bit better.

My top 5 strengths in order are:

Positivity
Woo
Adaptability
Restorative
Communication

Now, for the brief discription of each.

Positivity-They are upbeat and can get others excited about what they are going to do. Enjoys chatting with all sorts of people. The acquisition of infromation is a basic need. Genuinely fascinated with the mystery of life. You sense youare part of the lives of other individuals and accept they are part of your existence...this outlook on life influences what you say or do for people. Often experience satisfaction with your life when someone asks you to scutinize, assess, examine or evaluate things such as people, processes, plans or mechanisms. You probably decide life is grand when you have more ideas to offer the group than anyone else....often your assertiveness surprises you as well as others.

Woo-You derive satisfaction from breaking the ice and making a connection with another person. You often bare your sould to total strangers. Your openness understandably draws many newcomers or outsider into casual converstaions as well as serious discussions. "what you see is what you get" person. There is little mystery about who you are. You usually make a point of talking to strangers. You spark the interests of others with your keen wit and sociable nature. You can quickly establish an easy rapport with individuals by telling a joke, smiling introducing yourself, or giving a compliment. You recongnize laughter as a universal language. You are apt to remind individuals of ways they can use their knowledge, skills, or talents to benefit an individual or the entire team. You often enlighten people about potential partnerships, common interests, or shared goals. When you have an idea, the right words, stories or examples quickly come to mind. The animated give and take of debates stimulates your thinking.

Adaptablility-Prefer to "go with the flow." Tend to be "now" people who take things as they come and discover the future one day at a time. Most comfortable reacting to whatever happens as it occurs. You welcome change in processes, plans, procedures or the ways resources are distributed. You can adjust to a wide range of circumstances without becoming upset and thus causing others to become troubled. You can handle or deal with issues the moment they arise. You are probably grumpy on the days you are forced to follow rigid schedules or procedures. By nature you generally let the pressures of each day determine what you need to revise, correct, repair, remodel, upgrade, revamp or rework. You enjoy reading it allows you to gather information to expand your storehouse of knowledge. You have a habit of avoiding the company of restless people when you want to give your undivided attention to a book magazine article, newspaper account, personal correspondence or official document. You have the good sense to be flexible and accept change as it occurs. This explains why your friends often describe you as unflappable or not easily excited.

Restorative-Adept at dealing with problems. Good at figuring out what is wrong and resolving it. You usually offer people useful suggestions about what needs to be fixed, upgraded, renovated or done better. You enjoy pondering what you can revise, correct, renovate, upgrade or relocate. Whey you are curious about a person, event, topic, project, activity, or idea, you devote much energy and time to studying it. Today offers you plenty of opportunities to do things better. You participate in conferences, seminars or classes when ideas are exchanged about how to make things better. A natural talker, you enjoy telling others about the upgrades you have made.

Communication-Easy to put thoughts into words. Good conversationalists and presenters. You amuse people with your stories. You enliven conversations so everyone involved has fun. You probably express yourself with ease and grace. It is very likely you drive much personal pleasure from reading, because you are continually filling your mind with fresh ideas. You freely share your ideas or feelings with others. Being tongue tied or unable to speak freely is rarely a problem for you. Ease with language enables you to meet, greet and treat strangers as if they already were your friends. You very much enjoy the animated give and take of a lively discussion.

Well, that is pretty much me in a nutshell. I can't believe how right on this test was....crazy!!!

If you want to take this test you will need to buy the book Strengthfinders or and go to website and put in the code in the book. I warn you it takes quite a bit of time to complete so make sure you got a good hour to spare.

Friends

God always amazes me how much he blesses me with friends. When I was a teenager I didn't have a lot of friends....I think I had one girl friend through high school. I have always had a hard time relating to girls/women. For the longest time I didn't want to get involved with women because I thought they were catty, back stabbing, manipulative and competitive. I always related more to boys/men so much better...there were no games.

I can't name a specific time God started to work in my life about this but has been within the last 5 years or so. He has given me new eyes to see women as princess's in God's kingdom. I can say that I love women now...that I value who they are...that I can see the hurt many of them feel. I can honestly say now that I have such great female friends that it continues to blow my mind. I love my friends so very much....I can't imagine my life without my friends. They bring me so much joy, strength and love!!

I love how my friends know when I don't feel well and give me a word of encouragement or pray for me. How I can not have it all together and they just love me right where I am at. How I can open my heart about my troubles and know that someone is going to come along side me and pray. How they can text me just at the right time with some word that lifts my spirit. How they meet me at the gym to hold me accoutable to exercise. How they help me not just look at feelings, but to look at facts. How they can send a card that comes at a day when I am feeling blue.

Yes, my friends are very valuable to me and I can happily say that I have women in my life that are not catty, back stabbing, manipulative or competitive. They are loving, compassionate, positive, inspirational, genuine, honest and reliable. Thanks to all my friends....you know who you are!!!

Thank you God for sending each one of them into my life.

Get Real Monday's

This week in my women's community group we are talking about strength's and weaknesses. Why does society tell us not to talk about our strengths? Like if we do it is bragging or we are being prideful. Why does everyone so focus on their weaknesses? I have so many weaknesses it would take me days to fill up this blog. But when I try and look at my strength's it is like I have to really grasp or ponder for a long while what they really are.

So in honor of Get Real Mondays I am going to try and list some of my weaknesses and strengths.

weaknesses-laziness when it comes to housework, lack of discipline, easily distracted or hyperfocused on things, procrastination, boldness that can put others off.

strengths-Can adapt to anything, compassionate, outgoing, creative and loves people.

I used to think if I just worked on my weaknesses then I would be a better person, but as time has passed I have learned to play to my strengths since really God has given those strengths to me. And you know that there are other people out there that have immaculate homes, lead a very disciplined life, can focus without becoming addicted to something, that get things done in a reasonable time, and that can use a ton of tact while still being bold...that I don't have to be all those people. That if I had all of those things too that the world would be such a boring place.

That God made me who I am for a reason. He gave me adaptibility so that when change happens I just roll with the punches and not freak out. That when someone is hurting I can give them a shoulder to cry on. When God puts me in a situation that might be uneasy that I can handle it with a smile, or a laugh. That I can think outside the box on many issues. And when I am around people I gain so much more than when I am not.

So, what are you focused on? Strengths or weaknesses?

Mom and Daughter Day.

Yesterday I spent the most wonderful day with Heather. We have both been so busy lately that we haven't had that special mom and daughter time, so yesterday we spent the whole day together. We went and did some shopping...woohoo!! It was like when she was a little girl, she would go try on clothes and I would sit outside and she would come show me what she was trying on...it was fun to do that again!!! She was a little disappointed though that she actually shopped in the women's section instead of the youth section...LOL. Poor girl she was facing her getting older body...I just thought it was amusing that she was thinking that the jeans wouldn't be stylish in the womens section. She said "mom, these pants fit higher on my waist I don't know if I like that" I told her "there is an advantage to a little higher jean..it hides a little bit of stomach and you don't look like you have a muffin top"...LOL After about trying on 8 pairs of jeans, she decided I was right....oh I relish when my children say "you were right mom"...LOL. I need to mark that on my calendar because it might be a long while before I hear that one again.

After the jeans, we went to my favorite store Barnes and Noble....I love me some books....I actually walked out of there with nothing but a gift card for a friend's birthday. I was so proud of myself!! Of course that did not stop me from touching almost every book in the store and reading the back covers.

We had lunch at Freebirds....I love there tacos, I don't get the burritos I get there three taco meal deal. MMMMMMMM....it was sooooo good.

Then we went to see Bounty Hunter with Jennifer Aniston....it was okay...I just expected more. Still it was great to just sit next to my daughter and hear her contagious giggle that I just love to hear!! It is one of my favorite sounds in all the world Heathers giggle....it comes from her toes up. I love it!!!

Pretty soon she will be off to Texas Tech in the summer and that giggle will not be heard here...I am so sad about that...but I know that those mom and daughter days will be even more precious when we get to have them while she is away. My tires will be paving grooves in the pavement as I go back and forth to Lubbock to visit here. I am so proud of the woman she is becoming!!!

Corpus Trip

Over Spring Break we went to see my sister Buffy and her family. I love going there!! My sister and I are pretty close and it is so much fun when we get together. We had a ton of fun playing games, I love to play games!!! We went to beach one day, but it was so cold we stayed under towels...I know we are crazy. I wanted to share some of the photos of the trip.


Here is my sister blowing me a kiss!! I love her!!


Here is JJ my nephew....I think he is close enough to the tv...LOL


My niece Makayla...isn't she so cute!!! She just made the cheerleading squad. I am so proud of her.


JJ fell asleep with Mel's headphones on and I couldn't help but take a picture of him.


Mel and Sammi-I think this is the closest Melissa will ever get to being a cheerleader...LOL.


I love this picture of Mel and Sammi-they love each other so much.


This is such a great picture of Brian and his girls!!


Me and Heather...my daughter is so beautiful to me.


My girls....they are such a blessing to me!!


Me and Mel-I love her so very much!!!


Me and my sweetie!!

Get Real Monday

I have vacation let down today. You know the feeling when you have been on vacation had a great time, relaxing, visiting with family, playing games, eating whatever you want, staying up late to talk, sitting at softball and baseball games, eating your sister's good food, watching your daughter have a conversation with her cousin over her phone while she is sitting right next to her....those kind of vacations. Then you come home and back to reality you find yourself. Back to paying the bills, doing laundry, clipping the dogs nails, catching up on 278 emails, cleaning the kitchen that sat for 7 days, realizing you just gained 3 pounds that you lost in the last challenge, getting the card in the mail from your gyno that it is time for that yearly exam. Yes, it is back to reality. When all you really want to do is hibernate for the next two days. Do you ever feel you would just like to escape reality or shut out the whole world for just a while longer? That is how I feel today. I know that is so selfish, but it is just true today. I know I should be back to the gym, but really don't feel like going.

Why do we have these feelings right after a vacation? When I should be rested and renewed to take on the world again until the next vacation. I sometimes don't even understand myself. Is it because I have become lazy over the last week? Is it because facing reality is just too much effort? Is it because I feel overwhelmed with the prospect of cleaning this messy house? Why? I hope one day when I am in heaven I might understand this and much more.

Do you ever have vacation let down? What do you do to cope?

Corpus Trip

This Spring Break I have been spending it in Corpus Christi with my sister Buffy and her family. It has been a great time. There is nothing like cheering your nephew and niece at their baseball and softball games!!! Melissa actually has been inspired to start softball again, which I am so excited about she is a great first base player. She played from the age of 5 until 13 and this last year she decided she didn't want to play, but being around her cousin playing she has decided to play again..woohoo!!!

We went to the beach this week it was a bit cold, but the cousins played in the water and me and sis stayed under towels to keep warm...LOL. I love the beach, I love the sound of waves and the sand between the toes. Some guy caught a huge jelly fish on his wake board I wish I would have got a picture because it was the biggest jelly fish I ever saw.

We have played a ton of board games this week too. I love board games, but only Heather and I really like to play in our house. :-( Brian and Melissa don't like too...I don't know what is wrong with them. But my sister and her family love to play so we have played dominos, phase 10 and skip bo tons this week.

Brian and Heather came down yesterday I sure miss my family when we are not all together. Something I learned this week is to appreciate my husband more. I am a very lucky woman, he out serves me every single day. I love how he always thinks of my comfort, my feelings and my needs before his that is what a true servant leader is Brian!!! Thank you my wonderful hubby for being such a great example to our children!! I love you honey!!

My New Neighbor

We have some new neighbor's that moved in just about a week ago. Well, this morning the lady named Jackie rang my bell at about noon frantic that someone robbed their house. All their TV's, computers, game consoles were gone. The poor thing was crying and I just held her as she sobbed. Where I sit in my craft room, I can see outside and I seen a white van in their driveway but didn't see any of the occupants, but I gave a description to the police. But what really amazes me about the whole thing is we have lived here 11 years and we have never had a problem. I have always had huge dogs though so I think that detours people. The other thing that amazes me is that just last night at church Pastor Paul asked us to be "all in" when it came to evangelizing and inviting people to church for Easter Service. He gave each of us a card that we were to list our top ten people that we might be purposeful about for the next 25 days. Well, wouldn't you know that these new neighbors were on my list. God never ceases to amaze me with how He uses even the terrible things to open a door for some dialogue. Have I asked my neighbor yet to come to church...not yet...but I plan on it for sure now. Please pray that God will give me words of wisdom, I know that they don't attend church now so I hope God will use me to help bring them to HIM.

Spring is HERE!!!

I love Spring!! I love that it represents new birth, renewal or things that were dead in the winter and warmer weather. Today, I was looking out my kitchen window and this bright red cardinal caught my eye. So, of course I was thinking it is time to put out the bird seed. I went into the garage and found the birdseed, but my bird feeder from last year was eaten by my wonderful dog Diva. Well, I thought I will prop a bowl in the tree with seed...of course that didn't last long for not 2 minutes later it was on the ground with allt he seed. So, off I went to walmart to buy a new feeder...of course I had to get a new hummingbird feeder as well...LOL.

So here I am after I hung the bird feeder.




But then I had to play with my wonderful dog Diva....she loves me.





Now, I really can't wait until we Spring forward with the time. I love daylight savings time....I feel like I have so much more day and get a ton more accomplished and the longer time with the sun always does my spirits good.

Get Real Mondays

Since my friend Tanna suggested we "Get Real" on Mondays here it goes.

I couldn't sleep last night, why I have no idea....but I finally went to sleep around 4am. I hate that I get insomnia!!! I don't feel well today, I don't like that I feel like a truck ran over me most days. I suffer from Fibromyalgia and Mastocytosis and have a postive titer for Lupus, which they say I don't have symptoms of yet and hope never too. You can't imagine how hard it is some days to keep on trucking along. Most days I put on a great smile and just keep moving even when my body says stop. I hate to have anyone know that I feel like crap, it is such a pride thing. I hate that there are times I really want to serve someone and I can't because my body just won't go. I am in pain a lot of the time, my muscles and bones feel like they are rubbing together or someone has stretched them all night long. I have fatigue that most people can't understand. I have had bad bouts of vertigo for 5 months now and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I break out in hives sometimes daily. I am allergic to everything under the sun just about, so I have to watch the allergy report every day to see if it is okay that I go outside. I carry inhaler, benedryl and and epi-pen everywhere I go because I can go into anaphylaxis at any time. I suffer from migraines weekly and this frustrates me and I am sure it frustrates my family. I take so much medication that I have my very own pharmacy. I have tried alternative medicines, which sometimes help..but other times make me feel worse. My husband is one of the most amazing men I know to be so patient and such a great care giver when I am down. I am positive this takes a huge toll on him, our marriage and our family. I am grateful that God put the most nurturing man in my life.


I don't say all this for anyone to feel sorry for me....I just say it to get real as Tanna suggested. That I don't feel at my very best most days, so if I don't answer the phone or your text it is usually because I am not feeling great and don't want to have to explain it to anyone. And I know that one day in heaven I will have the perfect body with no illness and I so look forward to that day.

Spelling of Your Life

This last Tuesday in my Women's Community Group we talked about what we are spelling with our lives. It is so interesting to see what others see in you that you don't see in yourself. When I think about what I want to spell with my life words like; loving, integrity, honest, friendly, devoted, genuine, faithful, inspiring, disciplined, grateful, positive, joyful, humorous, worshipper, lover of Jesus and many...many more. Now, these are the words I hope to spell with my life and leave a legacy of faith to my children and future generations.

On Tuesday we passed around dry erase boards and had the other ladies in the group write on the boards what each woman spells out with her life. These are just a few of the ladies thoughts on what they see in my life being spelled out.

Open and genuine has strong passion for others.
Kind words and always joyful
Great Leader, honest and encouraging
Great friend, you make me laugh and feel loved
God's love shines through you.
I love how you love God and love to serve Him.
You are crazy in love with God and it shows.


Do you believe you are spelling your life out to others? Do you know what you might be spelling out to those around you? When you are gone from this earth what will people remember about you? Ask a few friends to write down a few words that spell out your life...you may be suprised to see what others say.

SETTD #8

I was so blessed this last weekend to serve the candidates of Southeast Texas Tres Dias!! God showed up in so many ways this past weekend. I love how God meets you at your deepest need. I love how God always makes the weekend special for everyone there, the team serving and the candidates attending. I love how God shows me that He is not done transforming me yet. I love how God takes complete strangers on Thursday and by Sunday binds them together in unity that will not be quickly broken. I love how God shows each person His love very specifically in ways nobody human would know or comprehend. I love how God continues to make each of these weekends renewing to my spirit. I love how God touches us in some wounds and heals them with His mercy. I love how God can put 130 woman together in one camp and not have someone want to scratch someones eyes out. I love how God can take people way outside their comfort zones and still provide peace and assurance that He is there. I love how God never ceases to amaze me with His grace which He continues to pour out on me on these weekends. Praise God from whom all blessings flow!!!

Week 3

Started week 3 and boy I can feel a difference in my body, my energy and mind. I didn't lose weight last weigh in, but I did lose inches so I was still very pleased. I haven't had soda in about 2.5 weeks and I feel awesome....I actually felt ill the last time I drank a soda so that is my body telling me it is changing. I get every bit of my 72 oz of water in everyday..plus some. I love water so this really isnt an issue for me praise God!! Also, I haven't been craving sugar near what I did on the first challenge so I am so excited about that.

My work outs have been phenomanal with my work out buddy Rhonda!! We have taken a ton of different classes to see what we really like and what works out those trouble spots the best. I have to say last night we tried a hip hop class and boy it was hilarious but a ton of fun!!! Of course it will take me awhile to get my beat down...LOL. It was an awesome work out and I am pretty sore today so I used some muscles I didn't know needed some work. Melissa I am sure would get the biggest laugh watching her mom try and hip hop, since she is such a professional. I love the Body by Ballet class as well...even though I have no balance at all. I am hoping that will change in time. I never knew it would be so hard to hold poses and stay on tippy toes would be so tiring. I really love that it will improve my posture too, which so needs it. The water aerobics class is great, the instructor is encouraging and funny...this water aerobics class is not for the faint of heart...she works you out hard. I almost died at the Strike class, it is weighted kickboxing...a little too much for me at this point of just getting back to exercise, but I am hopeful that one day soon I will again get back in there and kick some major bootie...like Sidney Bristow from Alias...one of my favorite shows of the past.

I can actually feel my body changing in tone and in how my pants fit so that encourages me to keep up the work outs, healthy eating, and taking care of me.

Lost 5

I can't believe I lost 5 pounds since the challenge started and 4.5 inches!!! Woohoo!!! I am so excited....I just can't hide it!!! I have been really committed this time in the challenge and it is paying off big time. I only put a goal of 10 pounds to lose this challenge...because last challenge I put a goal of 20 and didn't even come close and the thought of failure just freaks me out. This time I am determined to make my goal and then some, with Gods help!!!

Another praise is that I have been feeling so good with my vertigo that I even worked out last night and it was amazing!! I felt great doing it and feel even better today!!! I joined Lifetime Fitness and another beauty and I met up there last night and took a water aerobics class that literally kicked my butt!!! I am a little sore today...but going back for more this afternoon. I can't tell you how much I appreciate the prayers for my vertigo from others and the beauties themselves!!! It is so great to get up and turn my head without feeling like the room is spinning or the constant nausea!! Praise God!!!! Thanks to all that prayed for me!!

Keep up the great work Ashley....my beauty buddy!!! She is amazing and I got to meet her last week at church. WE can do this lady!!

I wanted to close with a quote from an unknown author "True friendship is seen through the heart, not seen through the eyes." I hope I demonstrate this to all my friends!!!

Challenge Week 2

So far so good on my challenge. I lost 2 pounds in last weeks weigh in and used a cheat on Sunday. Still having trouble getting the exercise in, but I will prevail. I bought a new water bottle yesterday to keep track of my water better...I was actually drinking way more water than needed...but I think that is okay.

I haven't really craved sweets yet this challenge, so I am glad about that. I have candy staring me in the face as I sit at my computer, but so far with the help from God I am winning the battle.

So, bring on week 2!!!!

Challenge 2

Today is the first day of the new Beauty and the Beast Challenge. Woohoo!!! I am very excited about this new challenge. The last challenge I didn't do so well due to some health issues that had me on two doses of steriods..boy, the weight gain was horrible. But I am hopeful that this challenge I will lose 10 pounds!!! I am going to take it one day at a time and give it all to God and see where it takes me.

I have a new accountability partner named Ashley...waves at Ashley if she is reading this. I look forward to getting to know her and I am sure we will become fast friends.

It is a little too cold to go walking outside today...so I think I will lift some weights here at the house after I do some cleaning.

Okay, now off to drink some more water.