Tammy's Creative Connection Blog

Here is a link to see my creative side. http://tammyscreativeconnection.blogspot.com/

Tuesday, February 8, 2011


I have been overwhelmed with insecurities lately. I can't figure out why or where they are coming from. If you are reading this please don't take offense to what I am saying....I am just trying to process my thoughts and feelings.

Earlier I was talking to a friend and explaining to her that i had a meeting to go to tomorrow and I was dreading it a little. I am involved in our women's ministry at our church and I love it. I am a firm believer that I am on the same page as the leader that we want this ministry to be about women supporting, encouraging and loving other women. Not the competitive, back biting, gossipy kind of ministry. I want to be part of a ministry of women who want real relationships, not the surface kind, where ladies can say "hey, i don't have it all together" and women are okay with that.

Now, I know our women's ministry is trying to break that stereotype and I love that so much. But I found myself doubting where I fit here. My mind was consummed with the list of these women that I think have the most beautiful of homes, they dress imaculantly, there bodies are to die for, they are leaders within our church and community, they are wonderful moms, and have some of the best marriages. And I started to get a pit in my gut...I started to panic. I don't have the most beautiful home, I dress like a 40 year old mom who forgot to take care of herself, my body is not where it needs to be, right now I don't feel much like a leader of anything lately, I am definately not the perfect mom and this is my third marriage. Still why do I let these thoughts make me want to isolate and hide? Why do I need to compare myself to others? I hate that the one thing I don't want to do I am doing. I want real relationships with these women....I don't want to be afraid of them, compare myself to them or distance myself from them. But it is almost paralyzing me. As I sit here I am having a panic attack just writing this, because I don't want these women to think I dislike them in any way whatsoever. I actually wish I was more like them.

Why do we as women do this to ourselves? Why do we consume ourselves with comparisions?

I know each of these women have sincere hearts for God and I thank God they do. Each of them has so much to offer and wants this ministry to be a success.

I hope that my thoughts will be made captive today so that I can become closer to these women and know their story. For I have been on this earth long enough to know that every one has a story. I am determined to not let Satan win this battle and keep me in isolation. We were made for relationships and good ones at that. So, I will go to this meeting and know that God has a plan for me being there even if I can't see it right now.

Any thoughts?