Tammy's Creative Connection Blog

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Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Insecurities

I have been overwhelmed with insecurities lately. I can't figure out why or where they are coming from. If you are reading this please don't take offense to what I am saying....I am just trying to process my thoughts and feelings.

Earlier I was talking to a friend and explaining to her that i had a meeting to go to tomorrow and I was dreading it a little. I am involved in our women's ministry at our church and I love it. I am a firm believer that I am on the same page as the leader that we want this ministry to be about women supporting, encouraging and loving other women. Not the competitive, back biting, gossipy kind of ministry. I want to be part of a ministry of women who want real relationships, not the surface kind, where ladies can say "hey, i don't have it all together" and women are okay with that.

Now, I know our women's ministry is trying to break that stereotype and I love that so much. But I found myself doubting where I fit here. My mind was consummed with the list of these women that I think have the most beautiful of homes, they dress imaculantly, there bodies are to die for, they are leaders within our church and community, they are wonderful moms, and have some of the best marriages. And I started to get a pit in my gut...I started to panic. I don't have the most beautiful home, I dress like a 40 year old mom who forgot to take care of herself, my body is not where it needs to be, right now I don't feel much like a leader of anything lately, I am definately not the perfect mom and this is my third marriage. Still why do I let these thoughts make me want to isolate and hide? Why do I need to compare myself to others? I hate that the one thing I don't want to do I am doing. I want real relationships with these women....I don't want to be afraid of them, compare myself to them or distance myself from them. But it is almost paralyzing me. As I sit here I am having a panic attack just writing this, because I don't want these women to think I dislike them in any way whatsoever. I actually wish I was more like them.

Why do we as women do this to ourselves? Why do we consume ourselves with comparisions?


I know each of these women have sincere hearts for God and I thank God they do. Each of them has so much to offer and wants this ministry to be a success.

I hope that my thoughts will be made captive today so that I can become closer to these women and know their story. For I have been on this earth long enough to know that every one has a story. I am determined to not let Satan win this battle and keep me in isolation. We were made for relationships and good ones at that. So, I will go to this meeting and know that God has a plan for me being there even if I can't see it right now.

Any thoughts?

4 comments:

Kristine said...

I'll be praying for you ... and if I'm going to be honest...myself as well. I've had pretty much the exact same thoughts as you.

Kim said...

Want to know how you fit in with these ladies?

*You love God with all your heart!

*You look for the life lessons in all circumstances... good and bad!

*You are a loving mother who would do anything for your kids!

*You are an imperfect wife who loves your imperfect husband unconditionally!

*You are Tammy Reidy! A woman that I admire for being true to herself and speaking truth into others!

That my friend is how you fit in with these other woman! We are all sisters of Christ with our own special gifts and we each bring a something a little different to the table. That's what makes us a good team!

Love you!

Caitlin said...

Hey Tammy!

I love having you as a leader-- remember that time we stayed up all night talking because I was sick and you weren't tired? Yeah, you help me not miss my mom so much and I know I have someone older and wiser to talk to when I can't call my mom or need another opinion or something.

I understand how you feel-- even at my age, those women you feel insecure about scare me a little too. I am the nerdy, chubby, goof who spends money on books and music, not on clothes and cool stuff. But it's okay, because God made us all different and needs us for different things. You help me feel more comfortable in the women's ministry and I think you are Perfect the way you are!

JDK Studio said...

Hi Tammy :)

We all have those same feelings.. but what is funny is that they may be thinking the same thoughts of YOU.. We sometimes forget how others perceive ourselves because we get caught up in the thinking we're not good enough. I'm sure they are wanting to be your friend and as much like you as you are them.

In college, a girl who turned out to be one of my very best good friends said to me.. (she was my next door neighbor).. you are the type of girl i always wanted to be.. i wanted to be friends with you but i never thought you would think i was cool enough.. i was like uhm, i'm just like you .. and i never perceived myself to be any of the things she described..

Hang in there *Big Hugs*

jes