Tuesday, May 12, 2015
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Put The CELL Down!!
Chris and I are at MiMi's having lunch and as soon as we sit down I notice a couple of ladies in the booth across from us. They look to be about my age, no I am not telling you my age....you can guess. Anyhow, we order our drinks and we are talking back and forth and I look over and the one lady is leaning in talking quite intently to her other friend and the other friend is on her cell phone. At first I was thinking "oh, isn't that how our world is now these days." Chris and I talking amongst ourselves again I look over, which I should know just to mind my own business, but if you are a people watcher like me this is what we do. I take everything in. I look over and the women is still pouring her heart out and that other women is still on her cell phone, so now this really has me intrigued and frustrated. I tell Chris look at that women over there, she probably invited her friend to come to lunch with her because she had something really important to talk to her about and her friend is more engrossed in her cell phone than her friend that is sitting right in front of her!!!! Chris and I watch this go on for another 20 mins, the women with the phone never set her phone down; looked up at her friend or even bothered nodding her head the whole time her friend was talking, when the food came she layed her phone down and proceeded to talk. Chris had to almost physically hold me in the seat!!!!
What is wrong with people? What is wrong with a society that thinks this is ok? Can you imagine how that women felt when she went home that night? Like her feelings, words, thoughts did not matter to a friend she went to lunch with. Why go to lunch with someone like that? There is nothing worse than to go with your friends, spouse, or children out to dinner or lunch and everyone be on their cell phone. Really why go? Does anyone know how rude this is? Have you sat across someone that has been on their phone while you were trying to talk to them? Why can't we give the people right in front of us the undivided attention they deserve? Before you know it that friend may decide she is sick of looking at the back of your cell phone. Your spouse may not be here for you to say those words too. Your children will be up and gone away to college and only visiting once a month.
Believe I am just as guilty of any of these things as anyone it was as if God blared it to me in that restraunt that day. Brian will be the first to tell you my cell phone can block his vision to me a ton. So I am preaching to me just as much as anyone else who reads this.
Why not make meal times cell free zones? How about treating the people you are with respectfully be in the moment with them? Put The CELL Down....it will not KILL YOU!!!!
Phillipians 2:4 "Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the intrests of others."
What is wrong with people? What is wrong with a society that thinks this is ok? Can you imagine how that women felt when she went home that night? Like her feelings, words, thoughts did not matter to a friend she went to lunch with. Why go to lunch with someone like that? There is nothing worse than to go with your friends, spouse, or children out to dinner or lunch and everyone be on their cell phone. Really why go? Does anyone know how rude this is? Have you sat across someone that has been on their phone while you were trying to talk to them? Why can't we give the people right in front of us the undivided attention they deserve? Before you know it that friend may decide she is sick of looking at the back of your cell phone. Your spouse may not be here for you to say those words too. Your children will be up and gone away to college and only visiting once a month.
Believe I am just as guilty of any of these things as anyone it was as if God blared it to me in that restraunt that day. Brian will be the first to tell you my cell phone can block his vision to me a ton. So I am preaching to me just as much as anyone else who reads this.
Why not make meal times cell free zones? How about treating the people you are with respectfully be in the moment with them? Put The CELL Down....it will not KILL YOU!!!!
Phillipians 2:4 "Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the intrests of others."
Friday, January 25, 2013
Chosen.
I know it has been forever since I posted so I figured it was about time for a ramble.
Last week I was in Starbucks with some of my girlfriends and one of my friends was relating a story how she was out to lunch with some of her friends and one of her other friends walked in and she exclaimed "oh there is my friend pretty so and so". I don't tell you this to because my friend did anything wrong I tell you this because of my reaction. I immediately turned to my friend to the side of me and said "nobody will ever describle me as there is my pretty friend Tammy" and she laughed and said " I would defiinitely would say that about you.' Later that night, I lay there thinking about the conversation because that is what I do....not because I am a weirdo, well maybe just a little. No, I do a moral inventory each night so I know if I need to go an offer amends to someone I harmed during that day or if I need to repent to God, and I make a gratitude list so I can remain gratiful for all God has done for me, God brought me back to the 7th grade as I pondered that conversation.
You see I was not the always the social butterfly I am today, to say I was shy was a complete understatement. I was extremely thin, tall and had no grace at all. But I wanted to be a cheerleader so bad I could taste it. Now, my best friend Dawn and I decided to try out together and she on the other hand was the typical blonde haired, blue-eyed, tanned, great body, extremely outgoing, charismatic and very popular. We practiced together everyday together for weeks and weeks, I think today I can still do a hurkey (sp?). I had those moves down to a "T" and I even managed to do the splits and with these long legs that is an accomplishment all in itself...lol. It came to tryouts and I did the cheers to perfection and so did my friend Dawn. I waited 2 grueling days for them to post the results to see if I was "chosen" and to my crushed spirit I was not, but of course my "pretty" friend Dawn was "chosen". I was devastated!!! I remember crying for it seemed liked hours that I would never be "pretty" enough, because I knew I did that cheer perfectly. How crazy is that? That a conversation in a Starbucks can bring you right back to a thing in your past? Have you ever not been "choosen"? Do you ever feel that your not pretty enough? Not good enough?
But God brought me to this verse 1 Peter 2:4 "As you come to Him, the Stone-rejected by men but Chosen by God and precious to Him." and 1Peter 2;9 "But you are a Chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to god, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His wonderful light."
Then today as I opened my devotion God again talked to me about my negative self talk. That I can continually assult myself with negative thoughts about myself because I can be my own worse enemy. We have to choose not to let the enemy lie to us about Who we are in Christ!!! I may not have been "chosen" for the cheer squad but I have been "chosen' by a Holy God that loves me right where I am at that I don't have to be perfect for, that I don't have to be pretty, or have all the right moves.
So do you want to take the my action step with me today and write your mirror "I am Chosen by God" with dry erase marker....and really believe it.
I know it has been forever since I posted so I figured it was about time for a ramble.
Last week I was in Starbucks with some of my girlfriends and one of my friends was relating a story how she was out to lunch with some of her friends and one of her other friends walked in and she exclaimed "oh there is my friend pretty so and so". I don't tell you this to because my friend did anything wrong I tell you this because of my reaction. I immediately turned to my friend to the side of me and said "nobody will ever describle me as there is my pretty friend Tammy" and she laughed and said " I would defiinitely would say that about you.' Later that night, I lay there thinking about the conversation because that is what I do....not because I am a weirdo, well maybe just a little. No, I do a moral inventory each night so I know if I need to go an offer amends to someone I harmed during that day or if I need to repent to God, and I make a gratitude list so I can remain gratiful for all God has done for me, God brought me back to the 7th grade as I pondered that conversation.
You see I was not the always the social butterfly I am today, to say I was shy was a complete understatement. I was extremely thin, tall and had no grace at all. But I wanted to be a cheerleader so bad I could taste it. Now, my best friend Dawn and I decided to try out together and she on the other hand was the typical blonde haired, blue-eyed, tanned, great body, extremely outgoing, charismatic and very popular. We practiced together everyday together for weeks and weeks, I think today I can still do a hurkey (sp?). I had those moves down to a "T" and I even managed to do the splits and with these long legs that is an accomplishment all in itself...lol. It came to tryouts and I did the cheers to perfection and so did my friend Dawn. I waited 2 grueling days for them to post the results to see if I was "chosen" and to my crushed spirit I was not, but of course my "pretty" friend Dawn was "chosen". I was devastated!!! I remember crying for it seemed liked hours that I would never be "pretty" enough, because I knew I did that cheer perfectly. How crazy is that? That a conversation in a Starbucks can bring you right back to a thing in your past? Have you ever not been "choosen"? Do you ever feel that your not pretty enough? Not good enough?
But God brought me to this verse 1 Peter 2:4 "As you come to Him, the Stone-rejected by men but Chosen by God and precious to Him." and 1Peter 2;9 "But you are a Chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to god, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His wonderful light."
Then today as I opened my devotion God again talked to me about my negative self talk. That I can continually assult myself with negative thoughts about myself because I can be my own worse enemy. We have to choose not to let the enemy lie to us about Who we are in Christ!!! I may not have been "chosen" for the cheer squad but I have been "chosen' by a Holy God that loves me right where I am at that I don't have to be perfect for, that I don't have to be pretty, or have all the right moves.
So do you want to take the my action step with me today and write your mirror "I am Chosen by God" with dry erase marker....and really believe it.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
My First Finished Quilt
Okay, well I finally finished the quilt for my sister in law Rose. It was supposed to be for her birthday last July....I guess I am early for this birthday right...LOL. I hope she likes it.
Hey, for my first quilt I guess it didn't take me that long. :-)
I have been following Leah Day's Free Motion Quilting Project so she showed us how to do a stipple stitch in free motion quilting so that is what I did all over this quilt. The quilt pattern is Over and Under.
I wanted to show the back of the quilt. No it is not perfect...but my first time free motion quilting.
This is upclose of the front of quilt.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Quilting Stitches Help!!
I wanted to post some pictures of my quilting stitches on the back of my quilt in hopes that Leah Day can give me some tips on what I am doing wrong. I don't know if my hands are going to fast, my feet or if the tension is off. Please help Leah!!! This is the whole reason I haven't started free motion on my sister in-laws quilt that was supposed to be a birthday gift for last July. I am so afraid to ruin it with these stitches.
By the way if you haven't visited her blog she is a great teacher of free motion quilting. http://freemotionquilting.blogspot.com/
Leah-Any idea on what is going on with me?
Monday, January 16, 2012
New Camera
So my dear sweet hubby gave me an early 13th anniversary present this week. A new Canon EOS Rebel T3 camera with a telephoto lens and bag to go with it. I am so excited!!! I love taking photos, and I believe this will take my photography to the next level. So, here are some photo's from my new camera.
This one hubby took of me and Mel.
This little guy posed perfectly for me. Title-Feeling Squirrely
These fish were such bright colors I had to photo them. Title-Say Awe
This is Mel trying to kiss this fish. I wanted to catch her reflection too. Title-Just Give Me a Kiss
This is another that Brian shot. Title-America's Next Top Model...LOL
We shall see how it goes with this new camera. Be looking for tons of photos now friends.
Monday, January 2, 2012
3in30 January Goals
Well, here is another start to a new year and my mind is full of the possibilities to this year. One of the site I love is called 3in30 challenge http://3in30.ashleypichea.com/ it shows you how to make your goals more attainable. Check it out!!
One of the questions on the forums was "if you could chose one word to focus on in 2012 what would it be?" I chose PRODUCTIVE. I need to be more productive, I feel as though I have become so unproductive over the last year. I need to be productive in my health, my housework, my relationships, my hobbies and my spiritual walk with the Lord. Will this be easy...no....but I also know that anything of worth to us you have to work for, so productive is my word.
In the spirit of being productive here are my goals for the month of January:
One of the questions on the forums was "if you could chose one word to focus on in 2012 what would it be?" I chose PRODUCTIVE. I need to be more productive, I feel as though I have become so unproductive over the last year. I need to be productive in my health, my housework, my relationships, my hobbies and my spiritual walk with the Lord. Will this be easy...no....but I also know that anything of worth to us you have to work for, so productive is my word.
In the spirit of being productive here are my goals for the month of January:
- Set a timer for 20 minutes 3 times a day to clean the house. That may not be a ton of time for most people but this will be a stretch for me. If you know how badly I hate housework. But I chose to be productive.
- Take the 31 days to pray for your spouse challenge at http://3in30.ashleypichea.com/31-days-to-pray-for-your-spouse/
- Go to bed by 10 pm each night....I am a night owl, but if I do this it will help me get the sleep I need for my health.
These should help me in 3 areas of my life that I need to be productive in. So here I go for 2012.
Friday, August 5, 2011
Week 1 of 3in30
Well, this week has gone pretty well with my new goals for August. I am so excited about my progress so far.
I have sewed some on my quilt project so I am very hopeful on that goal. Here is a picture of the quilt. It is for my sister in law and her birthday was last month that is why it is on my goal list so she can actually get her birthday present...LOL
My second goal was to declutter for 15 mins each day and I have been doing really well with this. I did my laundry room this week, cleaned out the fridge, took everything off the top of it and cleaned....I haven't seen that in I can't tell you how long. I cleaned the oven and microwave as well. In my laundry room, I can't tell you how long it has been since I seen the top of the dryer....you know how all the things you find in the washer go there, like change, chapstick, left over socks with no matches, lint, and such things. Now, I can actually get into the laundry room...LOL.
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My third goal was to get this body moving. I went out and purchased a Leslie Sansone walking video this week and I have been using it. I can't believe how much that video gets your heart moving. Crazy. I weighed myself today and I am down 2 pounds from last week so YEA me!!!
I also have been doing the challenge of reading the bible in 90 days and I have to say this is day 26 and I have now read 17% of the bible. It has now become a habit to get up and read when I first wake up, I can not tell you how much I love this time with the Lord. Now, I have always spent time in His Word each day, but I haven't started reading the bible from start to finish like this before. I love how much I am learning about why we needed Jesus. It has raised some questions in me as well. Like how the people didn't run out of animals to sacrafice? They had to kill a bunch of animals....and they never ran out. Why the Israelites kept turning from God, even though He provided for them at every turn? How silly men can be for listening to those crazy women that led them down to distruction? Anyway, it has been so enjoyable each day.
My hubby comes home next week for a visit and I am so excited. This year has been rough with him traveling so much, but we are so grateful he has a job during a time of lay offs. My daughter is coming in this weekend from Lubbock and I get to spend some much needed mommy daughter time. I can't believe how much I miss her not being here at home. We are going to be making some domino necklaces for her friends. She has worn hers and they just love it, so we are going to make them some to suprise them. That should be tons of fun.
Talk at you all soon!
Saturday, July 30, 2011
New Month-New Goals
Well monday starts a brand new month and since I showed up late in the 3 in 30 challenge I will start with August in my new goals. I need goals, if I don't have them it is so easy for me to become stagnant. Is this you? If so check out the www.3in30.ashleypichea.com and join us with the challenge.
1-Finish a quilt I have been working on forever.
2-Spend 15 minutes decluttering my house each day. I have a ton of clutter that just needs to go.
3-Get some form of exercise each day. I hate to exercise anyone that knows me can attest to this, but I have been gaining weight like crazy and I can't stand it any more. I need to move this body. I know I just need to find something I enjoy doing.
So, I am excited about a new month and new possibilities. Good luck to all those ladies taking the 3in30 challenge....I know we can accomplish great things!!!
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Tuesday Tatterings
Today I woke up feeling great...no back pain...no headache...Praise God!!! I think these new meds are working. And I have some energy today.
I haven't been able to wake up at 8 like I have wanted to, these new meds really knock me out. But when I got up this morning I was able to get some things accomplished today so that makes me very happy. I dusted the living room, decluttered for 15 minutes, put a load of laundry in and cleared off the hall tree. I feel great about all of this, since I haven't been able to do much lately. Woohoo!!!
My bible in 90 days is going so well, I have kept up with my reading plan and been so enjoying soaking up God's Word every day. The ladies in our Group 37 at momstoolbox have been so encouraging and inspiring that it keeps me on target.
My wins this week:
Staying on track with my reading.
Getting to bed by 10 pm each night.
Saying my affirmations each day.
Journaling each day.
Relying on God while Brian is gone.
Improvement in energy this week.
I think that is pretty good for this week. Now, off to read more of bible before my life coaching call.
I haven't been able to wake up at 8 like I have wanted to, these new meds really knock me out. But when I got up this morning I was able to get some things accomplished today so that makes me very happy. I dusted the living room, decluttered for 15 minutes, put a load of laundry in and cleared off the hall tree. I feel great about all of this, since I haven't been able to do much lately. Woohoo!!!
My bible in 90 days is going so well, I have kept up with my reading plan and been so enjoying soaking up God's Word every day. The ladies in our Group 37 at momstoolbox have been so encouraging and inspiring that it keeps me on target.
My wins this week:
Staying on track with my reading.
Getting to bed by 10 pm each night.
Saying my affirmations each day.
Journaling each day.
Relying on God while Brian is gone.
Improvement in energy this week.
I think that is pretty good for this week. Now, off to read more of bible before my life coaching call.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
3in30 Challenge
I ran across a wonderful blog the other day during our caffienated conversations on the blog Home Sanctuary and it is called 3in 30. It is all about setting 3 goals to complete in 30 days. I thought this is perfect for me since I need some new habits in my life.
So here are my goals for July.
1-I will get up by 8am each day.
2-I will declutter one area of my house for 15 mins each day.
3-I will do a load of laundry every other day.
I know these don't seem very big for most people, but for someone who abhors house work or mornings this will be a challenge for me.
To check out the 3in30 blog go to http://3in30.ashleypichea.com/
So, lets see what tomorrow brings.
So here are my goals for July.
1-I will get up by 8am each day.
2-I will declutter one area of my house for 15 mins each day.
3-I will do a load of laundry every other day.
I know these don't seem very big for most people, but for someone who abhors house work or mornings this will be a challenge for me.
To check out the 3in30 blog go to http://3in30.ashleypichea.com/
So, lets see what tomorrow brings.
90 Bible Challenge-Updates
Hello Readers!!!
I began a challenge on July 11th to read the bible in 90 days, through www.momstoolbox.com and I can't tell you how much this has blessed me. There are over 1,000 participants in the challenge...can you believe that? It amazes me. I have read the first 4 books of the bible in the two weeks since the start of the challenge. It definitley brought me back to the BSF year of "The Life of Moses." I am so grateful we don't have to sacrifice any animals for our sin and God provided the perfect spotless lamb His Son The Lord Jesus Christ to take away our sin instead. It also reminded me that grumbling upsets the Lord, wow those people could grumble and so can I on occasion. Can you imagine being led by the Lord in such a way as a cloud covering you during the day and a pillar of fire by night? Having enough manna each day to get your fill? Having seen Moses raise a staff and strike a stone for fresh water? Just to know God is with you 24-7 in such a tangible way and still grumble. Boy, I have felt in my life that I have wandered in the desert, but I also know that God has held my hand each step of the way. Iam so glad I decided to take this challenge and look forward to drinking in God's word each day.
In this challenge we have been separated into groups so we can check in and post our thoughts, comments and our status on our reading. We have been assigned a mentor that helps us remain accoutable that helps us immensely to stay on track. If you want to check out the challenge go to www.momstoolbox.com and click on the button Bible in 90 Days. You can also follow us on twitte through the hashtag #b90days.
Other status updates:
Brian is back on the road, he is now in Lancaster Pennsylvania until late Oct or early Nov. This has been difficult having him gone this year, but we are grateful that he has a job during a time of layoffs at his company. Praising God for that!!!
I have seen my Rheumatologist and a new primary care physician. We have changed some of my meds and added some new ones to try to get these migraines back under control. I am being scheduled for a MRI of the brain to make sure I have a brain and to make sure there is nothing else there. I fell down the stairs about a month ago and pinched a nerve in my back, I thought it was doing good, but then we went camping and laying on an air mattress didn't do it a bit of good. I reaggravated it...yuck. I have a very hard time sitting for any length of time and walking any long distance kills me. The doctor told me that if the adjustment in meds does not work that we may have to do some cortisone injections in low back and neck...pray that doesn't have to happen. I am having a major flare up of my fibromyalgia so my pain level is off the charts. I don't think people understand how being in chronic pain effects people emotionally. It is a cycle, I get stressed the I get in more pain, then I get depressed because I can't do the things I want or need to do, then I get stressed....and the cycle continues. I am just taking a day at a time and praying that God will heal me in a mighty way.
I am looking forward to getting back to church, I have been out so much since my health has been bad, but hopefully next week I will be able to sit in a chair. I miss being with my church family.
I leave you with some pictures of our camping trip to the Guadalupe River.
Melissa looks like she is having a blast huh?
Awe...the life of tent camping....3 beds in one tent. All the kids sleeping....this was the best part for me and my sister...LOL
Wow, what kind of face is that? But it is so Melissa!!!
Cousins-Mikki and Melissa holding on to my raft hoping to spill me over....I threatened their lives so I stayed afloat.
As you can tell I got a little sunburned....but I am good now.
Me and my sister Buffy and Melissa acting like she does.
Me, Heather and Melissa...we don't get together to have pictures very often anymore...so we decided to take one even though we all look camping weary...lol
Thursday, July 7, 2011
The Company Girls
I just joined this new blog site called Home Sanctuary. I found it through another blog. Her blog is about doing one small thing each day to create a sanctuary in your home. That is exactly what I want my home to be a sanctuary. Doesn't that sound nice and comforting. When I listened to her video, I thought my goodness this women is me. I get overwhelmed with my to do list, cleaning, or providing a nice home for my family. I think my ADD has a big part in that. I find myself running around not getting much accomplished. I go from room to room thinking "oh, I found this glass in the living room, then I take it to the kitchen, and find a bunch of mail, that I take to the office, there I find a hair band, that I take to the bathroom, then I find some laundry, take to laundry, then find I still have a load of clothes in the washer, that I don't know how long has been there, start the load over again, find I have to take the hanger clothes upstairs to put closet find, that I have way too many clothes, try to purge some things in my closet, but need a box to put them in, go to the garage, find that I forgot to feed the dogs and so goes my day...over and over again." Crazy, but this is true. So, when I ran across this Home Sanctuary Blog, I thought I can do one small thing and eventually the small things will start to add up. I will let you all know how it goes...LOL
Friday, June 24, 2011
Dependence
I know it has been so long since I posted. It is crazy how life just gets away from us sometimes. It has been a very challenging year to say the least.
I have fallen into a funk over the last couple of weeks and I wish I could put my finger on why that is. I don't want to see or talk to anyone, I don't want to go out of the house, I don't want to do any of those things that I enjoy doing, like crafting, quilting or spending time with friends. I hate this feeling. I have had such bad headaches that I can hardly pick my head off the pillow, I missed two of my acupuncture appointments this week because of it. I am trying so hard to search why I am feeling like this.
I was talking to Brian last night and he gave me such encouragement, I love my husband!! He is the most gentle, patient and generous man I know. He asked questions, he prayed with me, he gave me scriptures to lean on. Can a woman ask for anything more than that? He said "honey, you are one of the most positive women I know, what will I do if you start ranting when we are stopped at a red light instead of saying "this is a time when God wants you to stop and reflect on him" I just couldn't help but laugh. He knows me so well. I have always looked at life as there is a silver lining somewhere. I find the positive in everything. Why is it so hard to find some positive now? My life is good, I have a wonderful husband, my kids are doing so well, I just got back from a dream vacation, I spent some wonderful time with my sisters and my nieces and nephew, what is wrong with me??? There is no reason to be feeling like this. One of my friends I texted the other day, she asked "when is your hubby coming back?" and I said Friday. I think something clicked a little. Brian has been gone most of the year and I didn't think it bothered me, well I guess it has. Part of me is missing. I have always been a strong person. But him being gone so long has taken a toll on me. But just knowing that my hubby is in the house and I know I can talk to him, hear him snoring, lean into him when I feel weak, know he will be here to take care of me when I don't feel well, hug me until I can't breathe, scare me every chance he gets, make fun of the way I pronounce words, take care of the family and just knowing when I fall asleep at night he is just there to protect me. Maybe I just didn't know how much this would effect me. But tonight he comes home and I am so grateful.
I appreciate that he has a job, that I have had the opportunity to visit countries that I never would have had he not been there, that we have a steady income, dont get me wrong. But I am very thankful for all those things. I just know that some of this funk is because my other half is not here.
I opened my devotional book today "Jesus Calling"....(fabulous devotion book if you don't have a copy...go get it). The devotion today was exactly what I needed. I will give the parts that stood out to me. It started out "hold my hand and trust, so long as you are conscious of My Presence with you, all is well." "Fearful and anxious thoughts melt away in the light of My Presence. When you turn away from ME, you are vulnerable to the darkness that is always at work in the world. In the world dependence is seen as immaturity. But in My Kingdom, dependence on Me is a prime measure of maturity." Man, is this ever true to me today. I think I started to depend on myself too much and not ask God to be my husband while Brian was away. How prideful I am sometimes. I just thought I could do it in my own strength and that is just not true. Fear and anxious thoughts have been running rapid through me lately. I haven't been taking every thought captive, I haven't been reaching out to others, I haven't been seeking God's strength instead of my own, I let go of HIS hand. After all this time as a believer how do I still fall into dependence on self? Knowing what I know. I am human, I fall and like the devotion said "darkness is always at work in the world." Of course the enemy will use whatever it takes to pull us down and he knows just what to use against me...pride. But the scales are off my eyes and I know just how to battle this. I take hold of God's righteous right hand and hold on tight. And when Brian again leaves next month I will find my strength in God and not self. Thank you God for upholding me in your hand and seeing me through this even when I turn away I know I can turn back to you and know you are there!!! And thank you to my husband for being the spiritual leader you are to me and our family!!!
I have fallen into a funk over the last couple of weeks and I wish I could put my finger on why that is. I don't want to see or talk to anyone, I don't want to go out of the house, I don't want to do any of those things that I enjoy doing, like crafting, quilting or spending time with friends. I hate this feeling. I have had such bad headaches that I can hardly pick my head off the pillow, I missed two of my acupuncture appointments this week because of it. I am trying so hard to search why I am feeling like this.
I was talking to Brian last night and he gave me such encouragement, I love my husband!! He is the most gentle, patient and generous man I know. He asked questions, he prayed with me, he gave me scriptures to lean on. Can a woman ask for anything more than that? He said "honey, you are one of the most positive women I know, what will I do if you start ranting when we are stopped at a red light instead of saying "this is a time when God wants you to stop and reflect on him" I just couldn't help but laugh. He knows me so well. I have always looked at life as there is a silver lining somewhere. I find the positive in everything. Why is it so hard to find some positive now? My life is good, I have a wonderful husband, my kids are doing so well, I just got back from a dream vacation, I spent some wonderful time with my sisters and my nieces and nephew, what is wrong with me??? There is no reason to be feeling like this. One of my friends I texted the other day, she asked "when is your hubby coming back?" and I said Friday. I think something clicked a little. Brian has been gone most of the year and I didn't think it bothered me, well I guess it has. Part of me is missing. I have always been a strong person. But him being gone so long has taken a toll on me. But just knowing that my hubby is in the house and I know I can talk to him, hear him snoring, lean into him when I feel weak, know he will be here to take care of me when I don't feel well, hug me until I can't breathe, scare me every chance he gets, make fun of the way I pronounce words, take care of the family and just knowing when I fall asleep at night he is just there to protect me. Maybe I just didn't know how much this would effect me. But tonight he comes home and I am so grateful.
I appreciate that he has a job, that I have had the opportunity to visit countries that I never would have had he not been there, that we have a steady income, dont get me wrong. But I am very thankful for all those things. I just know that some of this funk is because my other half is not here.
I opened my devotional book today "Jesus Calling"....(fabulous devotion book if you don't have a copy...go get it). The devotion today was exactly what I needed. I will give the parts that stood out to me. It started out "hold my hand and trust, so long as you are conscious of My Presence with you, all is well." "Fearful and anxious thoughts melt away in the light of My Presence. When you turn away from ME, you are vulnerable to the darkness that is always at work in the world. In the world dependence is seen as immaturity. But in My Kingdom, dependence on Me is a prime measure of maturity." Man, is this ever true to me today. I think I started to depend on myself too much and not ask God to be my husband while Brian was away. How prideful I am sometimes. I just thought I could do it in my own strength and that is just not true. Fear and anxious thoughts have been running rapid through me lately. I haven't been taking every thought captive, I haven't been reaching out to others, I haven't been seeking God's strength instead of my own, I let go of HIS hand. After all this time as a believer how do I still fall into dependence on self? Knowing what I know. I am human, I fall and like the devotion said "darkness is always at work in the world." Of course the enemy will use whatever it takes to pull us down and he knows just what to use against me...pride. But the scales are off my eyes and I know just how to battle this. I take hold of God's righteous right hand and hold on tight. And when Brian again leaves next month I will find my strength in God and not self. Thank you God for upholding me in your hand and seeing me through this even when I turn away I know I can turn back to you and know you are there!!! And thank you to my husband for being the spiritual leader you are to me and our family!!!
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Insecurities
I have been overwhelmed with insecurities lately. I can't figure out why or where they are coming from. If you are reading this please don't take offense to what I am saying....I am just trying to process my thoughts and feelings.
Earlier I was talking to a friend and explaining to her that i had a meeting to go to tomorrow and I was dreading it a little. I am involved in our women's ministry at our church and I love it. I am a firm believer that I am on the same page as the leader that we want this ministry to be about women supporting, encouraging and loving other women. Not the competitive, back biting, gossipy kind of ministry. I want to be part of a ministry of women who want real relationships, not the surface kind, where ladies can say "hey, i don't have it all together" and women are okay with that.
Now, I know our women's ministry is trying to break that stereotype and I love that so much. But I found myself doubting where I fit here. My mind was consummed with the list of these women that I think have the most beautiful of homes, they dress imaculantly, there bodies are to die for, they are leaders within our church and community, they are wonderful moms, and have some of the best marriages. And I started to get a pit in my gut...I started to panic. I don't have the most beautiful home, I dress like a 40 year old mom who forgot to take care of herself, my body is not where it needs to be, right now I don't feel much like a leader of anything lately, I am definately not the perfect mom and this is my third marriage. Still why do I let these thoughts make me want to isolate and hide? Why do I need to compare myself to others? I hate that the one thing I don't want to do I am doing. I want real relationships with these women....I don't want to be afraid of them, compare myself to them or distance myself from them. But it is almost paralyzing me. As I sit here I am having a panic attack just writing this, because I don't want these women to think I dislike them in any way whatsoever. I actually wish I was more like them.
Why do we as women do this to ourselves? Why do we consume ourselves with comparisions?
I know each of these women have sincere hearts for God and I thank God they do. Each of them has so much to offer and wants this ministry to be a success.
I hope that my thoughts will be made captive today so that I can become closer to these women and know their story. For I have been on this earth long enough to know that every one has a story. I am determined to not let Satan win this battle and keep me in isolation. We were made for relationships and good ones at that. So, I will go to this meeting and know that God has a plan for me being there even if I can't see it right now.
Any thoughts?
Earlier I was talking to a friend and explaining to her that i had a meeting to go to tomorrow and I was dreading it a little. I am involved in our women's ministry at our church and I love it. I am a firm believer that I am on the same page as the leader that we want this ministry to be about women supporting, encouraging and loving other women. Not the competitive, back biting, gossipy kind of ministry. I want to be part of a ministry of women who want real relationships, not the surface kind, where ladies can say "hey, i don't have it all together" and women are okay with that.
Now, I know our women's ministry is trying to break that stereotype and I love that so much. But I found myself doubting where I fit here. My mind was consummed with the list of these women that I think have the most beautiful of homes, they dress imaculantly, there bodies are to die for, they are leaders within our church and community, they are wonderful moms, and have some of the best marriages. And I started to get a pit in my gut...I started to panic. I don't have the most beautiful home, I dress like a 40 year old mom who forgot to take care of herself, my body is not where it needs to be, right now I don't feel much like a leader of anything lately, I am definately not the perfect mom and this is my third marriage. Still why do I let these thoughts make me want to isolate and hide? Why do I need to compare myself to others? I hate that the one thing I don't want to do I am doing. I want real relationships with these women....I don't want to be afraid of them, compare myself to them or distance myself from them. But it is almost paralyzing me. As I sit here I am having a panic attack just writing this, because I don't want these women to think I dislike them in any way whatsoever. I actually wish I was more like them.
Why do we as women do this to ourselves? Why do we consume ourselves with comparisions?
I know each of these women have sincere hearts for God and I thank God they do. Each of them has so much to offer and wants this ministry to be a success.
I hope that my thoughts will be made captive today so that I can become closer to these women and know their story. For I have been on this earth long enough to know that every one has a story. I am determined to not let Satan win this battle and keep me in isolation. We were made for relationships and good ones at that. So, I will go to this meeting and know that God has a plan for me being there even if I can't see it right now.
Any thoughts?
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Speaking to the wall.
1 Corinthians 2:14 (New International Version)
14The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned.
Have you ever tried to talk with someone and they just don't get you? There have been times that I know I have talked with people and I think all they hear is the peanuts teacher...whaaaa.wwaaa...whaaa...wahhh. It is so hard as a believer to talk to some unbelievers. I feel as though I am talking to a wall....even though I know seeds get planted. Lately, I have had trouble in this area and I have had to once again turn it over to God to take care of them. Some people just will not understand me, maybe they might understand someone else. I just need to remember God is ultimately in charge and they are going to hear what they are meant to hear at that specific time. It is all on God's timing not mine, it is so hard being patient some times. It is true when someone doesn't have the spirit of God in them we are like a clanging cymbal. I pray that one day that clanging will stop and pure music will come upon them to open their ears to hear the spirit of the Lord.
I too remember before I was walking with the spirit how christians sounded to me...like they were out of their minds. So, I need to remember just where I came from and how stubborn I once was to accepting words of others. Patience is a virtue.
14The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned.
Have you ever tried to talk with someone and they just don't get you? There have been times that I know I have talked with people and I think all they hear is the peanuts teacher...whaaaa.wwaaa...whaaa...wahhh. It is so hard as a believer to talk to some unbelievers. I feel as though I am talking to a wall....even though I know seeds get planted. Lately, I have had trouble in this area and I have had to once again turn it over to God to take care of them. Some people just will not understand me, maybe they might understand someone else. I just need to remember God is ultimately in charge and they are going to hear what they are meant to hear at that specific time. It is all on God's timing not mine, it is so hard being patient some times. It is true when someone doesn't have the spirit of God in them we are like a clanging cymbal. I pray that one day that clanging will stop and pure music will come upon them to open their ears to hear the spirit of the Lord.
I too remember before I was walking with the spirit how christians sounded to me...like they were out of their minds. So, I need to remember just where I came from and how stubborn I once was to accepting words of others. Patience is a virtue.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Life Coaching Journey
Some of you know, but not all of you that I am about to embark on a new journey. I am going to be going through a program called Mindset for Success. It is a journey that I am so pumped up for and totally excited about. I have been through The Road Adventure, Celebrate Recovery and Tres Dias and I know now God has been preparing me this whole time for this journey right here...right now.
He keeps confirming to me every day that this is the path I am supposed to be on. I love when God does that!! Over my life I can see how God's hand has been there to orchrastrate each step I have taken and it blows my mind. I just can't express to you how much God has been showing me the last couple of months how I need to do this, that he again is going to be pruning and shaping me and I welcome it with open arms.
I have this desire in my heart to help people, to show that God can take something that was meant for evil and make it good, to encourage those around me to a closer walk with God and to become more self aware. I have this deep seeded need to reach out and make a difference in people's lives. To show people they too can walk in freedom.
So, this is where the life coaching program comes into play with me. In order to be a good life coach...I first need to continue to work on myself so that one day I can be the best Life Coach I can possibly be for others. I begin my journey this month and look so forward to the work it is going to take, the changes that need to be made in my life and the joy and freedom I will again experience as God pulls another layer back off my life. I love the process of pruning....I know some of it will be painful, but I also know that if I work hard it will all be worth it in the end.
At first when I told Brian that I really wanted to do this, he was like not something else that is going to take your time and energy, but over the last couple of weeks he has come to realize that this is what I am supposed to be doing, that this is my calling. I love him for being open to what God is telling him and how supportive he is in this process. He did say he wants me to give it my 100% and that is just what I am going to do.
Of course there are going to be some sacrafices in this whole process. I am going to have to give up some of the areas I am serving in so that I can devote the time and energy to do this well. I know that will disappoint some, but I also know that God will work that all out too.
So, off to my new journey and I will keep you posted as to what God is revealing to me during this process. Pray for balance, that I will be subjective about myself and that God will shape me into the person He wants me to be.
He keeps confirming to me every day that this is the path I am supposed to be on. I love when God does that!! Over my life I can see how God's hand has been there to orchrastrate each step I have taken and it blows my mind. I just can't express to you how much God has been showing me the last couple of months how I need to do this, that he again is going to be pruning and shaping me and I welcome it with open arms.
I have this desire in my heart to help people, to show that God can take something that was meant for evil and make it good, to encourage those around me to a closer walk with God and to become more self aware. I have this deep seeded need to reach out and make a difference in people's lives. To show people they too can walk in freedom.
So, this is where the life coaching program comes into play with me. In order to be a good life coach...I first need to continue to work on myself so that one day I can be the best Life Coach I can possibly be for others. I begin my journey this month and look so forward to the work it is going to take, the changes that need to be made in my life and the joy and freedom I will again experience as God pulls another layer back off my life. I love the process of pruning....I know some of it will be painful, but I also know that if I work hard it will all be worth it in the end.
At first when I told Brian that I really wanted to do this, he was like not something else that is going to take your time and energy, but over the last couple of weeks he has come to realize that this is what I am supposed to be doing, that this is my calling. I love him for being open to what God is telling him and how supportive he is in this process. He did say he wants me to give it my 100% and that is just what I am going to do.
Of course there are going to be some sacrafices in this whole process. I am going to have to give up some of the areas I am serving in so that I can devote the time and energy to do this well. I know that will disappoint some, but I also know that God will work that all out too.
So, off to my new journey and I will keep you posted as to what God is revealing to me during this process. Pray for balance, that I will be subjective about myself and that God will shape me into the person He wants me to be.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Chhhhaaa...changes.
This month is going to be full of changes. I love change actually...but the rest of my family hates change, so I pray that it all goes smoothly. On Friday this week, we pack up and move Heather to Lubbock to go to Texas Tech for graduate school. She is going for Family and Marriage Counseling. I am so proud of her I can not express it in words. She is such a bright, studious and lovely woman!! As a mother I just look at her and she inspires me. Heather has never liked change very well, she has never been this far from home. She is excited and I am excited for her, but I am also sad that I won't hear her giggle around the house anymore. She has one of those giggles that comes from her toes up...it is one of my favorite sounds. She is going to be living in her own apartment and of course the mom in me is a little scared about all the things that can go wrong, but I also know God is Large and IN CHARGE. So I am just going to give that over to HIM. Mel is so going to miss her big sister too. They have a very strong bond and I can honestly say my kids just genuine love each other and love being around each other.
Now, next week our son Chris moves back in with us...so he is moving into Heather's old room. This should be so much fun. He is moving back in to pay off school loans and finish his externship at a dental office for he is now a dental assistant. I am so proud of him as well....Chris has dyslexia and ADD so, school has never been his strong suit, but he is doing amazingly well. Of course he doesn't do change either so there will be adjustments after he has lived on his own so long to come back home. But he did call me last week and said he is ready for it. He even said he would love to go to church with us and this set my heart ablaze!! I am so excited!!! So, Mel will not be alone she will have her big brother here.
I have to say I love God so much for all He has done for me and my family. You see my Heather and Chris moved out before Brian and I got healthy through Celebrate Recovery, The Road and Tres Dias. So, they only remember us being not so great parents, but now God has been orchrestrating them coming back home to see how a healthy, loving and caring home can be. I am so grateful for the second chance to show my kids how God has changed me and can change them. I love it!!! It overwhelms me, to think of God's grace He poured out on our family. Thank you God!!!
Mel had such a wonderful experience at Youth Camp last week, that the changes in her are totally incredible. She wants to go to church, she wants to go to youth and she loves God so very much. She even expressed to Heather how God's grace works...now this is a miracle to us. Sunday she sat with all the youth and Brian and I watched as she worshipped our Lord with hands raised and heart abandoned...it totally made our day. We both cried. We have even noticed there is a lot less anger in her and she is smiling and laughing all the time. I love it so much!!! God is so faithful!!! Honestly, her going to youth camp and having a great time is a prayer that God answered for us and we will grateful forever for it.
This month we start our Tres Dias meetings for the next Tres Dias in October...it is a ton of work, but so well worth it when we see the lives changed at the end of it. I love being part of this ministry and being able to be God's vessel for the women that go through that weekend experience. There are a lot of trips to Houston during the next 2 months so I pray for safety and for unity in the team and their families. Of course Satan would love nothing better than to cause division in both of these areas. I have a couple of friends going through this next Tres Dias and I am so excited for them to see the power and love of God for each of them!!!
I have started on the Community Group Leadership Team and TCAL and it is exciting to see the direction it will be going. I love community groups, I am passionate about them...I think every single person needs to be in one, lead one or host one. I have made friendships that will last my lifetime because of community groups. I can't imagine my life without those people in it. So, if you attend TCAL join a community group. If you feel led to lead a group....Do it scared...you don't have to be a bible scholar...just be open for God to use you. If you wish to host...do it...we have such a hard time finding host homes. Sign up to be part of the rescue to others by being available for community groups.
There of course are other changes coming up, but I will post that later since this is now a novel. LOL.
Now, next week our son Chris moves back in with us...so he is moving into Heather's old room. This should be so much fun. He is moving back in to pay off school loans and finish his externship at a dental office for he is now a dental assistant. I am so proud of him as well....Chris has dyslexia and ADD so, school has never been his strong suit, but he is doing amazingly well. Of course he doesn't do change either so there will be adjustments after he has lived on his own so long to come back home. But he did call me last week and said he is ready for it. He even said he would love to go to church with us and this set my heart ablaze!! I am so excited!!! So, Mel will not be alone she will have her big brother here.
I have to say I love God so much for all He has done for me and my family. You see my Heather and Chris moved out before Brian and I got healthy through Celebrate Recovery, The Road and Tres Dias. So, they only remember us being not so great parents, but now God has been orchrestrating them coming back home to see how a healthy, loving and caring home can be. I am so grateful for the second chance to show my kids how God has changed me and can change them. I love it!!! It overwhelms me, to think of God's grace He poured out on our family. Thank you God!!!
Mel had such a wonderful experience at Youth Camp last week, that the changes in her are totally incredible. She wants to go to church, she wants to go to youth and she loves God so very much. She even expressed to Heather how God's grace works...now this is a miracle to us. Sunday she sat with all the youth and Brian and I watched as she worshipped our Lord with hands raised and heart abandoned...it totally made our day. We both cried. We have even noticed there is a lot less anger in her and she is smiling and laughing all the time. I love it so much!!! God is so faithful!!! Honestly, her going to youth camp and having a great time is a prayer that God answered for us and we will grateful forever for it.
This month we start our Tres Dias meetings for the next Tres Dias in October...it is a ton of work, but so well worth it when we see the lives changed at the end of it. I love being part of this ministry and being able to be God's vessel for the women that go through that weekend experience. There are a lot of trips to Houston during the next 2 months so I pray for safety and for unity in the team and their families. Of course Satan would love nothing better than to cause division in both of these areas. I have a couple of friends going through this next Tres Dias and I am so excited for them to see the power and love of God for each of them!!!
I have started on the Community Group Leadership Team and TCAL and it is exciting to see the direction it will be going. I love community groups, I am passionate about them...I think every single person needs to be in one, lead one or host one. I have made friendships that will last my lifetime because of community groups. I can't imagine my life without those people in it. So, if you attend TCAL join a community group. If you feel led to lead a group....Do it scared...you don't have to be a bible scholar...just be open for God to use you. If you wish to host...do it...we have such a hard time finding host homes. Sign up to be part of the rescue to others by being available for community groups.
There of course are other changes coming up, but I will post that later since this is now a novel. LOL.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Dreams.
Do you have dreams? Do you wish you could do something and it feels so out of touch? I have tons of dreams. I wanted to share a bunch of dreams I have with you today. Mostly this exercise is for me to really see what it is exactly I dream about. Some of them may seem small, silly or totally outrageous but hey, they are my dreams. What else do you expect? If money or time was no obstacle these are some of the things I would love to accomplish.
Dreams
To see all my children come to Christ.
To go on a mission trip to Africa or India.
To be on the Women of Faith speaking team. (told ya a big one)
Become a Life Coach.
To run a marathon.
To write a book titled "Darn, I am not going to win the Mother of the Year Award"
Go scuba diving in the Great Barrier Reef.
Go to Israel....sp?
Sew a quilt.
Skydive.
Memorize at lease 100 verses of the bible.
Learn a foreign language.
Break a Guiness World Record for something funny.
Read 100 books in a years time.
See an angel.
Have a huge impact on someone's life.
Drag race a car.
Now, these are just some of them...when more come to me I am going to post them.
What are your dreams?
Dreams
To see all my children come to Christ.
To go on a mission trip to Africa or India.
To be on the Women of Faith speaking team. (told ya a big one)
Become a Life Coach.
To run a marathon.
To write a book titled "Darn, I am not going to win the Mother of the Year Award"
Go scuba diving in the Great Barrier Reef.
Go to Israel....sp?
Sew a quilt.
Skydive.
Memorize at lease 100 verses of the bible.
Learn a foreign language.
Break a Guiness World Record for something funny.
Read 100 books in a years time.
See an angel.
Have a huge impact on someone's life.
Drag race a car.
Now, these are just some of them...when more come to me I am going to post them.
What are your dreams?
Thursday, July 8, 2010
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